I often wonder how the weather reflects a mood. I’m sure it’s no more than chance that this morning the clouds seem oppressive and gray, choking the view over the city and out to the horizon past the Harbour’s mouth. Past the heads I can see a sliver of brighter sky so I imagine being out there and not here. I imagine bright and not dull. I imagine energy and not this soul-tiredness I feel right now. Imagine just for once not being out of sync.
I decided to swim when everyone else stayed on the beach. I so desperately wanted to do things differently that I thrashed out through the breakers and for a while enjoyed the peace and excitement of being a kilometer off-shore with no easy way back.
When I waved to the people on the beach they’d catch me on an occasional glance over the water and wave back. I started to look around in wonder at the cliffs to the south, the rocks to the north, the huge blue sky and the growing swell on the outbound tide. The people on the beach lay on the sand and learned languages, new skills, became talented at all sorts of things. I swam about wondering how long I wanted to stay away. Such freedom out here – how long could I wait it out?
Time passed and my energy passed with the first few shivers. And as I knew it would, the time came for me to get back and start.
But then a strong rip gave me no way to get back to the beach. So I swam south to the cliffs and searched for a hand hold or a grip. Some way or any way to get out. Growing more tired with every rise of the ocean the holds I found gave way when I put my weight on them. And when I signaled my trouble to the beach, the people smiled and waved back…
Over to the rocks on the north and I couldn’t get a safe path in – the swell would have crushed my skull. I looked up at the sky that started to cloud over and I grew cold. And I didn’t know how to get back in. I couldn’t figure it out. The people on the beach began leaving together, smiling and distracted by their interest in each other they didn’t see my calls for help.
And as the day started to fade, I still don’t know how to get back in…